im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
