the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
