tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
