i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
