nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I will pee on everything he values.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
