That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
