I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
If its not for food we ain't going out.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
