So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
