Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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