I seem to have left my pride at pride
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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