Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
