one two three fourrrrnication!
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
