Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
