god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
