There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
