he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
one two three fourrrrnication!
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
