Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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