and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
