I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I am naked and annoyed.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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