Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The struggles of a small town man whore
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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