Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
