Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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