Swine flu. Run for my life!
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
