i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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