you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You're earring is so big in my mouth
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
