hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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