You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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