did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
