If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
sex in a hospital.. check
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
