so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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