Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
