hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
