I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
