Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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