I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
