I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize