WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
