he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I think I just sharted jello shots
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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