just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
