he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
