This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
