Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
