we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
sex in a hospital.. check
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
