If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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