Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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