Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
