so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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