yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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