Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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