She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
