My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Randomize
