Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
