omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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