It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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