are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
