The brown eye won't let me do that either.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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