youre lurking in front of me
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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