i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
