I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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