babies were throwing up all over the place
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize