Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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