Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
