I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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