There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
