Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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