mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize