Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize