im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
her facebook's as public as her vagina
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
