can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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